Hooking Up on the Campaign Trail

Just in time for Kucinch’s withdrawal from the race…at least he’s number one on somebody’s list!

Enough of all of this focus on the so-called presidential election “issues!” It’s time to get to the meat of campaign madness by assessing what matters most to the American public, SEX!

After careful analysis of the polls and a highly-scientific statistical evaluation, my husband and I have created a purely subjective ranking of which political campaign involvement yields the highest possibility for finding a little nookie, should you be in the market for some casual hooking up. Here is the list:

  1. Kucinich – If you have pink hair and listen to Annie DeFranco, then your possibilities for finding all sorts of tail are endless. If you are into UFO kink and crunchy dreadlock sex in a tent that stinks of patchouli, even better.
  2. Obama – Young, idealistic hormones are practically floating in the water at an Obama rally. All of that youthful enthusiasm makes people want to shed their clothes and meditate on the audacity of hope.
  3. Romney – Because you never know what all of those sister-wives are up to.
  4. Clinton – All logic says that Democrats should always out-rank Republicans in the sexy factor, but Hillary’s camp boasts quite a few women who take themselves way too darn seriously to even consider the frivolity of sex. Of course, when we throw Bill in, the whole equation gets blown to pieces.
  5. Giuliani – The most sex in this campaign is probably being had by Giuliani himself. Maybe with his next wife?
  6. McCain – No one’s even thinking about sex around him because no one gets particularly turned on watching her great-granddad lecture about national security.
  7. Huckabee – The jury is still out on the hooking up factor with Huckabee’s religious zealot campaigners. That’s because the jury is still out on whether or not the women in that campaign are allowed to stop reading scripture and actually leave the house.

Oops! Just like all the Democrats, we forgot about John Edwards!


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