So I saw this weird motivational speaker lady doing her “Up Time America” routine on YouTube. It’s this shlocky schtick where she gives a bunch of “everything I learned in kindergarten” sort of commands on how to go about your life. Her gimmick is that every sentence ends in the word UP.
While I agree with 75% of what she’s going for (When you drop a piece of trash, pick it up. If you make a mess, clean it up.), there is this creepy undercurrent of wild-eyed talk radio speak, starting with her towering Palin-esque B-52’s shagadelic hair-do. Perhaps I’ve outgrown wit and wisdom that fits onto an 8 x 11” poster, or perhaps my professor husband has trained me too well over the years to see such pop-psych as a mere marketing gimmick.
But later on we made fun of the whole thing. We joked about re-writing the “Up” manifesto from our own perspective, what we idealize, what annoys us, and what we work toward.
So I did. And here it is:
If you don’t have health insurance, save up.
Before you spout off on the news without the facts, read up.
If someone makes you eat a raw onion, throw up.
Breastfeed your babies. Milk it up.
If your mind is closed, open it up.
Follow the advice of Saint Marley and get up, stand up, stand up for your rights.
Quit wasting money on plastic garbage landfill character toys. Do it up yourself.
Compost! Stink it up.
Reduce, reuse, recycle. Use it up.
To those less fortunate, offer a hand up.
For the marginalized, the voiceless, and the powerless, speak up.
In the face of injustice, bigotry, and hate, take to the streets and act up.
We all have a story to tell. Write it up.
Bring the noise. Turn it up.
Enjoy your food without guilt. Eat it up.
Life is short. Drink it up.
And in the immortal words of Cameo, Word Up.
(P.S. When I’m not writing stuff up like this I like to dress up, live it up, and then come home and get worked up by the movie Up. Learn about my book, The Foggiest Idea by scrolling up.)