Two ways I’m going to officially continue to come out to the world that I am officially pregnant with our family’s official third child.
1. Here is a list of all the stuff that I NEED to eat right now. No, I don’t crave it, sillies. Crave is a small word for small minds. These are things that I NEED regularly. I need them, need them, need them, like a sea turtle needs the ocean, like a bird needs the wind, like a hoarder needs his empty toothpaste tube collection. I need:
Trader Joe’s Lowfat Frozen Macaroni and Cheese
Brussell sprout pizza from Arizmendi Bakery
The “Pumpkin” vegetarian sandwich from Ike’s Sandwiches. (No pumpkin in sight, but lots of other tasties.)
Cereal with milk. Lots of it.
Ginger ale with ice and a splash of cranberry juice.
Smoothies with Trader Joe’s Vanilla Protein Powder and a whole mess of frozen fruit.
Peanut Butter and Company Cinnamon Raisin Peanut Butter (Yes, yes, I’ve read all about the allergy thing. Moderation, yo.)
These sweet roll thingies from that Chinese bakery on Taraval Street. (I have no idea what they are called but they only cost $0.60 and they are amazing!)
I know I’m totally jinxing myself with this but so far I have not gained a ton of weight despite all this delicious food consumption. Except in my breasts, which have grown with more exponential enthusiasm than comic book conventioneers meeting Lando Calrissian. I’ve not gained too much weight, but don’t worry. I’m definitely showing in my belly and I will definitely get caught up. Which leads me to point #2…
2. For those of you fools who are brazen enough to walk up to a woman you barely know (or don’t know at all for that matter) and ask “So, are you pregnant?” let me just take a moment to virtually smack you upside your empty head. Yes, you got lucky this time. I am indeed knocked up.
But what if I wasn’t? How horrible would you make that woman feel?
I seriously cannot imagine wandering up to some mom on the school yard and saying, “Looks like you are going to have another one!” This has happened to me by the way. Several times. Today.
Seriously, y’all, what the f***? I expect better than this from my fellow mamas who have been through this body distortion thing one or two times and should know better than to dare ask a woman if she is with child. Never. Ask. A. Woman. If. She. Is. Pregnant. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. EVER. EVER. EVER.
To paraphrase (I think) Erma Bombeck, not even if a baby is coming out of her vagina. Don’t do it!