shredded wheat hair: 11 things i thought were gone for good

My hair. On a good day.

My hair. On a good day.

One year ago I got the biggest (and best) bombshell of my life with a surprise pregnancy.

You know that old saying about trying to make plans and God having a good long laugh at your sad sack expense? Well, that’s sorta what happened to us. Except we got the last laugh, because out of the bombshell came a sweet little guy. And our family is already more complete in ways we never knew that it wasn’t. If that makes any sense whatsoever.  

(If it doesn’t, I’m sorry. I slept for four hours last night and I’m on my eighth latte.)

With the arrival of said sweet little guy, I now find myself often walking a fog of déjà vu-ness, as I repeat certain baby experiences that I thought were behind me for good.

Here are a some examples:

1. Making a crucial game time decision in the precious moments that I have in the shower each day (or every few days, but who’s counting?) on what deserves the most attention. Should I hack through the tropical rainforest on my legs or wash the ragged wad of shredded wheat on my head?

2. Getting all worked up over the purchase of a tricked out new stroller that has enough gadgets and features to put my hybrid car to shame. These things have seriously evolved since my I hauled my now-10-year-old around as a baby in a $20 beater from Target.

3. Riding the wave of dignity, pride, and embarrassment as I fumble with public breastfeeding.

4. Suffering engorged breasts in the early morning hours. Ouch!

5. Feeling joyful about engorged breasts during the early morning hours because it means baby has slept through one or more feedings. Remember those days, parents of big kids?

6. Mopping up nuclear poop explosions that cause me and the kid to both need an emergency shampoo (see #1).

7. Singing lyrics to Hall and Oates or the Eagles at the top of my lungs while parallel parking on Valencia Street because the baby is screaming REALLY loud and will only chill the eff out to certain melodies.

8. Freaking out about getting work done while baby is asleep. And once he goes down it’s like I’m on amphetamines for two hours. I’m the fastest, most productive worker in the continental U.S. during nap time, yo.

9. Sitting up all night while a sick baby sleeps on my chest. (Sad face.)

10. Fighting the nearly overwhelming urge to tell a meddling older woman where to shove it when she scolds me for taking my baby out without a hat. Settling for the evil eye and lots of righteous indignation.

11. Feeling so mushy gushy with love that I can’t even watch this video without my mascara running down my cheeks. Because it’s funny and because it’s precious and because I love little babies. Even other people’s babies get my hormones all whackadoodle these days.

I could go on and on but the baby is asleep and I have to work. Or wash my hair.


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