Only in SF Parenting: Part 3 for Kid #3

A couple of years ago I got on a kick of writing about “Only in San Franciscoparenting moments.

Here is the latest version.

Your kid’s middle school has a fundraiser at Moby Dick’s bar in the Castro, complete with Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence making a guest appearance.

The Sisters also come hang out as guest judges at the elementary school DogFest fundraiser.

The odd confluence of Easter and 4/20 presents a major parenting conundrum where you must intentionally keep the kids from having an egg hunt in several local parks because the parks are full of high times celebrants wearing their classy marijuana-print leggings. (And smoking their classy marijuana leaves.)

Moooomm! The Pacific Ocean is so boring! Do we have to go agiiiin?
Moooomm! The Pacific Ocean is so boring! Do we have to go agiiiin?

The day after 4/20 the checker at Trader Joe’s looks like he enjoyed a few too many celebratory Easter brownies.

An intense mom laps you going into yoga class, cuts in front of you, and hurls her matt down into your spot. She’s angry because she just had a fight with her daughter in the hall outside of class about how the daughter won’t get into Stanford if she doesn’t go to Lowell High School. The daughter looks around ten.

When you tell your friends you are expecting a third baby the first thing they ask is “will it overlap in elementary school with your big kids so you don’t have to do the lottery again?” This is before they say congratulations or ask you how you will fit all your kids into your tiny two bedroom house.

Your kids’ school carnival features a celebrity emcee who is a famous children’s author. Your kids will geek harder on the children’s author than a special appearance from One Direction.

Last week you had to scurry your kids out of the playground due to worries for their safety. This was not because of the nearby homeless man pushing a cart, nor young kids wearing hoodies. Those guys are safe. You are afraid of the strange high-strung woman peering around the park in her Google Glasses. And you don’t want to get caught in tech-war brawl between Google bus bros and the trust fund artists who like to block their buses.

There is an ongoing raging debate with the 6-year-old over whether a packaging box should go in the compost or recycling. (Correct answer = either.)

You must give a lecture to your jaded children about your land-locked childhood every time they whine about having to go to the boring old beach and gaze at the blah Pacific Ocean again.

The school spring fundraiser sells hoodies. As in jackets. This way all the kids will have brand new warm outerwear that fits for SUMMER. Because it is durn cold here in July and August. Don’t come here during that time and act surprised. Just bring a hoodie.

What else have I forgotten to add? What’s the latest in Only in SF parenting moments?

6 thoughts on “Only in SF Parenting: Part 3 for Kid #3

  1. Oh my. This made me miss living in San Francisco. Even though I moved to Oregon before I had my kids I was a kid and young adult in the city and there really isn’t any place like it. Thanks.

  2. Having a fun discussion on which family would be more fun–two dads, or two moms, or one of each and then realizing it was all based on gender stereotypes.

  3. I admire your persistence. I admit, I bailed. After nearly a decade in SF, I moved to Petaluma before having kids. Yours may the more noble path, Claire

  4. I just stumbled upon this.. but I think this week’s main dilemma is ” do we go to the Halloween parade at school or the giants parade?” I have heard way too many complaints about the Giant’s parade being on Halloween.

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